Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish i was in the wii world.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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