Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is wine microwaveable?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
