Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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