How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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