Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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