I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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