Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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