return my video game
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
