How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
