I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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