if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
