there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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