I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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