Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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