just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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