if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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