Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
