And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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