hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
