I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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