does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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