I think I died a long time ago.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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