My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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