I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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