You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
