I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
