She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
