I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
