"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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