I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
