just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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