i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
