be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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