Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
