Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
