using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
