the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
