nut hugger
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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