I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
