She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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