So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
