Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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