we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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