Define "chronic" masturbator.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
