i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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