ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
