i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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