you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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