yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
