Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
