i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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