i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
