Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
