I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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