my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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