Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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