if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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