it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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