it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
