I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
