No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
