dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
