I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
