He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
