so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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