He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
