I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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