There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Will exercising make me less horny?
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