You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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