The maid of honor just puked.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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