You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
